I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
