and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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