4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
