Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
