dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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