I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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