I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
