Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
