that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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