I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
