Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
