1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
