it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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