He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
