I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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