On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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