Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
