dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
