It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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