i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
