There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
