So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
