Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if only i could text you this smell
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
