oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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