so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
