so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
