this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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