Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
