My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
