Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
