miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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