Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
