Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
