we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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