last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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