I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize