'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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