I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize