I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
