you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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