Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
