I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
