Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
