I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
