Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
