just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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