it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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