And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
