So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
