Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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