the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
