I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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