I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
