I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
