i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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