So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
