i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
