I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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