Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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