I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
