It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
