dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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