anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
