I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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