How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize