you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
