He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
