i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
