I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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