addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize