That's intense
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize