Cold hands, warm shart.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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