I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize