btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
no, he came in my armpit
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think pants incapable of making pants work
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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