What did we do last night that was yellow?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
