if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
