I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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