last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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