somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
