Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
look no pants
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
