my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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