is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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