you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Even my vagina gasped.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize