Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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