Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
