Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
