Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
