I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize