If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
