Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize