please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
