I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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